Dating in the San Francisco Bay Area
Is dating hard for men in the Bay Area? Is dating in SF impossible for women? How to date without apps Bay Area? Online dating in San Francisco?
Dating In The San Francisco Bay Area As A Man, Woman
One of the biggest drivers of why I started Eddie’s List was through my years of working with single people in the Bay Area and beyond. Many men and women have contacted me for various specific help, including photos, navigating apps, assisting with wardrobe, social skills, date ideas and reading people through profiles, messages, and dates.
As I began to dig into their lifestyles, schedules, friend circles, hobbies and mindset, it became obvious that a lot of people had much larger issues that made dating more difficult for them. Things like available time, lack of friends and limited hobbies made it harder for people to go out, make small talk, have things to talk about on dates, take photos during fun outings or even know where to go on a date.
Many of the same skills and mindset needed to meet people and make friends were missing in folks looking to date - essentially, they needed to learn to walk before they could run.
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Dating In The San Francisco Bay Area (According To Reddit)
If you look online at Reddit posts, there are tons of threads about the dating scene here in the Bay Area. Reddit provides a vary biased view on dating here. Most of the people posting regularly on Reddit tend to either be unemployed, have fewer (or no friends), go out less (spend time at home more), have introverted personalities or live their lives in echo chambers.
I am not saying these post are completely wrong or useless, but they do lack a lot of nuance. Dating has gotten tougher everywhere in the United States thanks to growing wealth inequality, shutdowns during COVID, layoffs, political divide, growing time spent on social media, friends moving away during pandemic, increase in work from home and more.
Dating can seem easier in other parts of the country but people often overlook things like neighborhoods they choose or social circles they cultivate - these variables are not alway comparable. A lot of people start over when they move here, some who have been here a while have had to try even harder as their social circles may have changed or drastically reduced recently.
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San Francisco Bay Area Dating Events: Speed Dating, Singles Mixers
Online Dating in San Francisco Bay Area
Too many people are relying on dating apps here than other parts of the country largely due to the tech industries and the people they attract. Dating apps can be helpful but most people have no idea what they are doing, not serious about dating, have unrealistic expectations or are using them way too much.
Dating apps were never meant to replace in real life outlets for meeting people, they were meant to supplement these efforts. Online dating still works but not for everyone, it can’t simply because of the gender ratios on them as well as the effort and lack of self-awareness on them (incomplete profiles, bitter outlook, inability to read people etc).
A dating profile is a reflection of who you are offline. If you don’t have friends, hobbies, passions in life, you won’t have much to show or talk about on dating apps.
Bad behavior is encouraged on dating apps, if not tolerated, as people do not report profiles and bad behavior as much they should, companies fail to address reports adequately and people treat others like commodities and fail to evaluate people as individuals while giving each person the benefit of the doubt (within reason).
The cycle of expectations leads people to not taking apps seriously, and while that is not advised, I seriously believe one can’t get more out of dating than what they put in. I would estimate that 50-60% of men and women currently on dating apps should not be on them - they are wasting people’s time, hurting their own mental health and making dating worse for everyone else.
Unrealistic Dating Expectations San Francisco Bay Area
Dating as a woman in San Francisco can be brutal. There are lots of highly educated women here compared to other parts of the country and many women seek out men who either are equally educated or higher-income earners than themselves. While this may be attainable and reasonable for some women, it’s not always the case.
A lot of men in San Francisco don’t necessarily care about jobs, education or income - they often expand their dating pool in this capacity while their counterparts reduce them quite a bit. It’s why some people have embraced the philosophy of Women Need to Date Carpenters Like Men Date Yoga Instructors.
Dating in San Francisco is hard for many men but for different reasons. A lot of men think their education/job/income is enough for doing well dating that they ignore basic things like hygiene, hobbies, friends, social skills, and personality. The other area men struggle with is with casting too wide a net when dating. They consider what they are open to but fail to acknowledge what is realistic or what women prefer.
I see a lot of men being open to dating women 50-100 miles away, dating women 10-15 years younger than themselves or seeking women who are a different race than them, but don’t consider that some women may not be as open as they are. While being open is important, it can hinder opportunities on dating apps where these preferences affect things like who is (and is not shown to you), algorithms (and order or profiles shown), and offering a false sense of hope.
Further distance means less time spent together. It also means someone will likely have to relocate if things get serious and who wants to leave their rent-controlled apartment? Dating is as much about knowing what you want as well as considering what options others have, knowing what deal-breakers others possess and being efficient when it comes to removing false positives from dating pools.
The other thing that is making dating harder for some women here is that there is a growing trend among men seeking more conservative/submissive women. For some extreme cases, see ‘Passport Bros’. While some men are fine or even desire women who do well professionally, not so surprisingly, a lot of insecure men can’t stand a woman who doesn’t need them for financial support.
Dating Complaints San Francisco Bay Area
There is a lot of noise and distractions when dating here in the Bay Area. It’s important to acknowledge these trends, understand individual preferences but also stay focused and take care of yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in headlines around:
Gender ratios in the San Francisco Bay Area
Stop using dating apps for all your dating efforts, go touch grass. The ratios are pretty even but it’s easier for men to blame fake stats than acknowledge their shortcomings.
Everyone is Poly in San Francisco & No One Is Serious
Less than 10% of the population is poly. Lots of serious folks find their partners and get married here. It happens every day in fact. It’s easy to dismiss an entire gender/culture rather than admit bad choices made.
Dating is too expensive in the Bay Area
It is if you are crossing bridges and commuting far. It is if you lack creativity at planning fun, cheap dates. It is if you choose the wrong people to date who seek out expensive dates.
Bad Dating Advice Online
The main reason why I don’t make videos or post on social media for my dating services is because good dating advice is highly nuanced and customized based on individual personalities, experiences, goals and more. Social media doesn’t allow for the time and variables needed to address corner cases, hypotheticals and context. People seek answers, hot takes and quick decisions but in doing so, they are likely to make the same bad decisions they try to advoid in the the first place.
Dating is not all black and white. There is a ton of gray.
It’s not about knowing the answers but working through approaches, technique, individual scenarios, and more. Too many people here want to be told what to do, how to act, who they should end up with but are not willing to do the work, make calculated mistakes or risk being vulnerable for the right people.
Not all dating failures are your fault. There are plenty of liars, a-holes, crazy people out there making it hard to date successfully but often times these situations can be reduced dramatically with a bit of help from friends, valuing yourself more and understanding what is acceptable behavior.